Why don't you like me?

I wonder sometimes if anyone sits down and says, "I am just a terrible person, I totally understand why people don't like me." When I say this, I don't mean the people who are constantly beating themselves up or are struggling with a real depression. I mean just an everyday run of the mill person who just really honestly thinks they are just a terrible person. I never really thought of myself that way. I think I'm chill actually.... when you get to know me. I'm laid back... go with the flow type. Now for those of you who are reading this and are like that’s not the Amber I know, let me clarify. This is who I feel like I am when I don’t have to be "ON". When I can just sit quietly and watch tv or read a book or sleep or not talk. Not the Amber I have to be when people want me to entertain them with my crazy stories or with my just plain crazy ways. But the calm Amber. I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t like her. Even entertaing Amber… she’s pretty funny. Who doesn’t want to laugh? But no matter who you are there are people who are just not going to like you. And there are people who just do not like me! Sometimes I’m shocked by what people don’t like me. Sometimes I didn’t even know they didn’t like me until I just know they don’t like me ya know!

Facebook tells me most of the time that someone doesn’t like me. Thanks Facebook. I'll see someone who is friends with everyone in my family except me. Or someone who I have known my whole life and they are friends with my sister and not me. It just makes me wonder why? Did I say something to them? Did I not say something to them when I should have said something to them? I just don’t understand it. There are times I wish people would just tell you straight out “look, you suck, the end”. But it's not that easy. There are so many more feelings and emotions involved and most of them sadly are not ones that I can control. It is annoying an honestly, I hate it. I hate knowing that somewhere out there I may have caused a pain to someone that I can never fix. Somewhere I have hurt someone who will never heal. But we all do it right? We all have hurt someone who we believe will never forgive us. What do you do with that? Well, this is what I do. I pray, and I let it go. Sometimes I pray, and I let them go. Most times I have to do it every day. Pray and let them go. I can’t chase after everyone and try to make them love me no matter how much I want them to. I have to let them go and believe that it is for the best. I have to reiterate I do have feelings. Yes, I hide them well, but they are there. Now I will shed a tear if its someone I care about. When I love you, I love you. That doesn’t change because you choose not to love me anymore. (LOVE IS A CHOICE NOT A FEELING, but that is another blog on its own). Watching someone walk away from me is not easy…. Not easy at all. Now you know me! Of course, in all of the heartfelt stuff I am always me.

There are people who don’t like me because their dumb! Most of the time it's because of something that has happened between myself and someone else and they have chosen to take the wrong side (cause I’m usually right lol) and they hate by association. Get your life together people. Don’t be so quick to believe everything you hear! Make up your own mind! BE COMPLETE!! Then there are my favorite types of people….. (Sarcasm) The ones who pretend to be so offended by me but can never come up with a real reason why, so they just blame my “ATTITUDE” that they assume I have based off of a conversation that has actually never occurred between them and I. Or it's

based off of them trying to have a conversation with me when I’m in the middle of dealing with something and I’m supposed to be it 2 different places at the very same time and answering questions from 12 different people, but they think their asking me to pass them a pencil takes precedent over that and therefore I have a horrible attitude!

Look, just live your best life! Let the people who love you love you. The ones who don’t will be sorry because you are a great person… hopefully lol. I am a great person! I feel bad for you if you don’t like me! I almost forgot my absolute favorite, “She looked at me crazy, so I don’t like her”. NO, I didn’t look at you crazy….

That’s just my face OK!!!