Trust... and Jesus side eye!

Originally posted May 12, 2018

I'm pretty sure Jesus gives me the side eye all the time... He has to! I'm literally all over the place sometimes. I will pray about something and will be like "I give it all to you Jesus, do your will" and right after will go and try to take care of the situation in my own way on my own time... It's just terrible. Jesus is just in heaven like "will somebody please go get that girl!" It is hard to understand a love that is so overwhelming. What is even harder is trusting in things that you can't see. I have issues trusting people standing right in front of me. So, it's hard to wrap my head around it. My pastor said Sunday that it's not just faith because you have to have the faith of a mustard seed... mustard seeds are small, heck they are tiny. But you have to have trust God. And most times I don't trust him.

So, I'm going to be a little transparent right now, I've been really struggling with a lot of things, feeling really uncertain about a lot of things, and questioning a lot of things that honestly, I shouldn't have been questioning because of what God has placed in me. I felt isolated alone and a little abandoned. And I kept opening my mouth to say dumb things like "I'm doing this all by myself" but none of that was ever true. In our staff meeting at work, it was like God was speaking directly to me about trusting him and not seeing myself so small, but seeing myself how he sees me, and yet I still was ignoring it. I had this small perspective on my life and my calling, and I kept asking God to build my trust not knowing that what I was asking for he was giving me because in order to build my trust I was going to feel like I was "doing it by myself" and I was going to feel the opposite of everything that trust is. I mean think about it, when you do a trust fall you literally have to FALL. You have to believe with all your heart that someone is going to be there to catch you.I keep asking God to build my trust and hes like, okay but you have to fall... See, I want the trust without the fall!

Despite of me, the whole time he was taking care of everything. I just had to stop. I had to stop feeling like I was small and didn't deserve the promises of God. I had to stop taking things into my own hands and I had to FALL.

I know God was for real side eyeing me the whole time because he's like "girl if you don't go sit down somewhere, I got you". (I told you my God is a God of a strong side eye) I got so caught up in my own struggle I couldn't see how God was really taking care of everything. I wake up today to do my devotion and read this from Christine Caine:

"When life doesn’t go our way—which it rarely does, and when our expectations lead to utter disappointment, we don’t always know how to recover our wonder of trusting God. Disappointment is that let-down feeling where our emotions bottom out and our faith does too. It’s a powerful destructive force that can leave us stuck in a moment through which we filter and even forfeit future experiences. It is a force that we have to face and overcome to live a life full of faith embracing the unexpected.

Jesus always walks with us through our disappointment. Through our heartaches. Leading us to recover our wonder. Leading us to something better ahead. He is the one who helps us remember that although it happened to us, it doesn’t mean it was about us. He wants us to know that disappointment is a place we pass through—never a place where we stay.

When disappointments happen repeatedly, our hearts can grow sick, and our thoughts can grow dark. That’s when the enemy can move in and steal the last of our hope. That’s when doubt and unbelief can overtake what’s left of our faith.

Holding to our faith—even in the face of deep disappointment—is critical. Making God’s promises bigger than our disappointments are essential. That’s why God wants us to believe and understand that His promises don’t have expiration dates. They aren’t like passports or gym memberships. They aren’t like the condiments in the fridge or the food in the pantry. Our heavenly father has given us a book full of his promises that have no expiration dates—and he will always make good on his promises.

Getting into his Word and letting it get into us brings our hearts back to life. Worshipping him opens the door for the Holy Spirit to encourage us and heal us so we can trust again. Learning how to change our perspective through steps like these helps us transition from fearing the unexpected to trusting God through it."

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Hebrews 10:23 NLT

Sorry Jesus, I'm a work in progress and you made me in your image... So i'm not side eyeing That's just my face ok! LOL